重刑犯唐纳德-特朗普（Donald Trump）周五早上从他的自怜墓穴中清醒过来，提醒美国人他不仅是第一个竞选总统的罪犯，还是一个语无伦次、语无伦次的烂人。

在谈到他因在2016年大选前伪造商业记录以掩盖支付给前成人电影明星斯托米-丹尼尔斯（Stormy Daniels）封口费的34项重罪而被定罪时，特朗普对聚集在曼哈顿特朗普大厦内的记者们喋喋不休。

“犯罪犯罪，他们在伪造商业记录，”他说，看起来筋疲力尽，比平时更加半疯。“这听起来很糟糕，对我来说听起来非常糟糕，你知道这只是轻罪（事实核查：这些都是重罪），但对我来说听起来很糟糕，当他们说伪造商业记录时，这对我来说是一件糟糕的事情，我以前从未遇到过这种情况。我伪造......你知道什么是伪造商业记录吗，一级重罪，他们说伪造商业记录，听起来很不错吧？

呃......确定？

特朗普在定罪后的新闻发布会上胡言乱语

这个实际上被一些人认为有资格成为美国总统的人还声称审判他的证人 “简直被钉在十字架上”，说乔-拜登总统想 “阻止你们拥有汽车”，还说将于 7 月 11 日对他宣判的法官 “真是个魔鬼”。

特朗普现在是一名被定罪的重罪犯。民主党人，别让选民忘记这一点。

特朗普本可以为自己辩护作证，但他没有这么做，而他提出的借口也是随口说说，不知所云，然后又转向了一个完全不同的话题： “我很想作证，直到今天我都很想作证，但你会说一些不着边际的话，比如今天天气很好，但实际上外面下着雨，我非常感谢外面的一大群人，这太不可思议了，支持的程度令人难以置信。”

是的，难以置信。或者就像《华盛顿邮报》在特朗普发言时报道的那样： “外面或许有几十名支持者，但没有任何规模的有组织示威。大多数是目瞪口呆的人和曼哈顿第五大道的正常交通。

Opinion


Guilty Trump's press conference was a disaster. Republicans need to replace him – fast.
Rex Huppke
Updated Fri, May 31, 2024 at 5:07 PM EDT·5 min read


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Felon Donald Trump arose glassy-eyed from his crypt of self-pity Friday morning to remind Americans he’s not just the first convicted criminal to run for president – he’s also a rambling, incoherent mess.

Speaking of his conviction on 34 felony counts of falsifying business records to cloak a hush-money payment to former adult-film star Stormy Daniels ahead of the 2016 election, Trump babbled at reporters who had gathered inside Trump Tower in Manhattan.

“Crimes crimes, they’s falsifying business records,” he said, looking exhausted and more half-crazed than usual. “That sounds so bad, to me it sounds very bad, You know it’s only a misdemeanor (FACT CHECK: These were felony counts) but to me it sounds so bad, when they say falsifying business records, that’s a bad thing for me, I’ve never had that before. Im falsifying … you know what falsifying business records is, in the first degree, they say falsifying business records, sounds so good, right?”

Uhhh … sure?

Trump's post-conviction press conference was a babbling mess

The man some actually believe is qualified to be president of the United States also claimed witnesses in his trial were “literally crucified,” said President Joe Biden wants to “stop you from having cars” and said the judge who will sentence him on July 11 is “really a devil.”

Trump is now a convicted felon. Democrats, don't let voters forget it.

Trump could have testified in his own defense but didn’t, and the excuse he offered was a random assortment of words that went nowhere then veered into an entirely different subject: “I would have loved to have testified, to this day I would’ve liked to have testified, but you would have said something out of whack like it was beautiful sunny day and it was actually raining out, and I very much appreciate the big crowd of people outside, that’s incredible what’s happening, the level of support has been incredible.”

People react moments after news that former President Donald Trump was found guilty in his trial on hush-money payments in Manhattan Criminal Court on May 30, 2024 in New York City. The former president was found guilty on all 34 felony counts of falsifying business records in the first of his criminal cases to go to trial.More

Yes, incredible. Or as the Washington Post reported as Trump was speaking: “There are perhaps a few dozen supporters outside but no organized demonstration of any magnitude. It’s mostly gawkers and normal Fifth Avenue traffic in Manhattan.

Trump as 'a steady hand'? Now THAT'S funny!

Look, I’m no political strategist, but I’m not sure putting the presidential candidate who was just convicted on 34 felony counts in front of cameras to ramble like the drunk at the end of the bar for more than 30 minutes was a fantastic idea. Trump’s disjointed gurgling delivered several "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida"-length ads for Democrats to use in the months ahead.

Before Trump spoke, one of his Republican enablers, Rep. Wesley Hunt, let Fox News know what Americans would be hearing from the former president: “We're going to hear a steady hand. We're going to hear the voice of a father and a grandfather. We're going to hear a voice of the future president of this country telling us that it's going to be okay.”

HAH! Well that sure didn’t happen. We instead heard a dyspeptic chinchilla with anger issues hollering nonsensically.

Presidential polls are useless. Will Trump win? Will Biden? Nobody has a crystal ball.

Republicans really need to consider their options. Trump is a wreck.

Republicans are still adjusting to the new normal of having a convicted felon at the top of their ticket. They’re trying to rally around their twice-impeached, multi-indicted, found-liable-of-sexual-abuse, incapable-of-ever-shutting-up guy. But seeing Trump’s performance Friday and knowing his already erratic rhetoric has worsened with each visit from accountability, maybe it’s time Republican rethink the “presidential candidate” thing.

Off in a quiet corner somewhere sits Nikki Haley, a sane-by-comparison person who was a presidential candidate and would probably be happy to become one again. Perhaps a swap is in order?